Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

by: Katie Jackson

...and the secret to making it mind-blowing. Here, Ocean Drive chats with the Carillon Miami Wellness Resort's resident relationship and intimacy expert on how to have a healthy, happy and fufiling sex life.

Some people come to Miami for the beaches. Others come for the nightlife. And then there are the visitors who flock to the city in search of self-improvement. At the Carillon Miami Wellness Resort, there are experts who can jump-start a metabolism and correct bad posture. Among the talented practitioners is Dr. Carolina Pataky, a clinical sexologist and certified sex therapist who can help with what really matters (wink, wink). Here, she gives us her top tips.

What is good sex? And is there a secret to it? The secret to great sex lies in our head. Not only is our mind the biggest sex organ we have, but it should be at the top of your list when you’re seeking sexual gratification and fulfillment. From an evolutionary perspective, sexual attraction relies on a number of complex biological processes designed to bring us together. Many of these processes are driven by our primitive brain, which makes sex both carnally enjoyable and necessary for life. And while that in itself is enough for us to get together, it is not enough for long-term sexual satisfaction. A lot of individuals stop at sex and fail to see how much more rewarding sex can be when we connect in nonphysical ways. It really doesn’t matter if you’re on this sexual journey alone or in a relationship, but when we’re working from our primitive brain, we objectify others and ourselves without gaining anything meaningful from the experience. Sex can be so much more fulfilling when we stop having sex with body parts and begin exploring the psyche of our sex.

What are some big misconceptions about good sex? When individuals or couples use sex to measure the health of their relationship. I recommend that couples throw their quotas out the door. It minimizes the couple’s sexual connection. Statistical measurements such as how many times, how big, how tight or how long speak to our sexuality as if it was an Olympic competition, sans the spectators. Other than inflated egos, it really doesn’t do much for the experience. Instead individuals should help find more rewarding takeaways from their experiences.

How does sex therapy help? From a physical perspective, our bodies change, we age and stuff may not work as well as it once did. But from a psychological perspective, we all carry a unique sexual perspective. In therapy, we help individuals shed their past stories, misconceptions or even the traumas that can make intercourse uncomfortable or distant. When we explore the deeper layers of our drives, we’ll usually uncover unconscious processes that keep us from healthy sexual relationships.

Miami is all about feeling sexy in your own skin. What are your tips to boosting self-confidence in the bedroom? Miami is synonymous with beauty. The people, the city, its beaches are gorgeous. As a cultural and diverse community, we also have very different views about sex and love. As it stands, relationships in Miami are highly vulnerable. For this reason, I stress the importance of communication so that we can learn more about ourselves and our partners. Instead of just wondering and assuming things, I recommend that we learn ways to create the necessary space to properly communicate. When we do this effectively, our confidence in ourselves and in the relationship increases dramatically.